Hi, I’m Emily 🤍
I’m a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a mom to four babies I carry in my heart.
This isn’t the journey to motherhood I ever imagined for myself.
My husband and I started this chapter with so much hope—believing that if we just kept trying, followed the next protocol, took the next medication, and made it through the next appointment, eventually we would get our happy ending.
Instead, our journey has taken us through infertility, IVF, embryo transfers, positive pregnancy tests, countless appointments, and the devastating heartbreak of recurrent pregnancy loss.
We have loved four babies we never got the chance to bring home.
There are parts of infertility and pregnancy loss that I don’t think you can fully understand until you’ve lived them. The waiting. The anxiety before every blood draw and ultrasound. The way a positive pregnancy test can bring overwhelming joy and overwhelming fear at the exact same time. The medications, injections, procedures, questions, hope, grief, and the exhausting cycle of trying to pick yourself back up and keep going.
And then there is the grief of losing a baby you had already imagined an entire life with.
One of the hardest things I experienced throughout this journey was realizing that I couldn’t always find the words for what I was feeling.
How do you explain a grief that doesn’t always make sense to the people around you? How do you describe the fear, the emptiness, the anger, the jealousy, the guilt, the hope, and the heartbreak that can all exist at the same time?
I would search for someone who felt the way I did. I wanted to read someone’s words and think, Yes. That’s exactly what I’m feeling.
But so often, I couldn’t find them.
That feeling—of searching for words and not finding them—is one of the things that ultimately motivated me to create this space.
I want this blog to be a place where women going through infertility, IVF, miscarriage, and pregnancy loss can come and feel understood. A place where you don’t have to explain every emotion before someone understands what you mean.
But I also want this to be a place you can send to the people you love.
If you’re struggling to explain your loss to your husband, your parents, your siblings, your friends, your coworkers, or anyone else who desperately wants to understand what you’re going through but doesn’t know how, I hope you can simply send them here.
Because sometimes you don’t have the words.
Sometimes you’re too exhausted to explain why something that seems small to someone else feels enormous to you. Sometimes you don’t know how to tell someone what you need. And sometimes you just want the people you love to understand that this loss isn’t something you can simply “move on” from.
I hope this space can help bridge that gap.
I can’t change what happened to my babies, and I will always wish they were here. But I can make sure their lives leave something behind.
That’s why I created this space.
I’ll be sharing my own journey, what I’ve learned along the way, the questions I’ve asked, the things I wish someone had told me, and what it looks like to keep moving forward while still carrying grief with you.
I don’t have all the answers. I’m still living this story myself.
But if you’re going through infertility, IVF, recurrent pregnancy loss, or simply trying to figure out what comes next, I hope something here gives you words when you can’t find your own.
I hope you find someone who understands.
I hope your loved ones find a way to understand you a little better, too.
And most importantly, I hope this space honors my four babies.
They were here. They were wanted. They were deeply loved.
And they will always be part of our story. 🤍
